Loneliness After Baby

Mar 20, 2018

loneliness after baby

Pajamas: Nordstrom – I lived in these post baby along with this bathrobe! Love these pajamas and these too | Necklace: Etsy – such a steal and I wear it almost every day!


Hey guys! Today’s post is the next installment of our motherhood series and a topic I love to talk about. Not because it’s so fun or really anything new but more so because I think people talk about it less than they should and it’s so refreshing to read all my other mom friend’s perspective and hear from all of you!

I touched on this topic a little bit when I wrote this 100 days of darkness post but motherhood can sometimes be a little lonely and isolating, especially in the beginning. You are exhausted, sleep deprived and it’s this weird state where you want to be around other people and simultaneously dread having to see anyone. Or at least that’s how it was for me!

After Trevor went back to work it was mostly survival mode! Hours would pass and I would wonder what I had done with all that time but still somehow the end of the day seemed so far away. I think that cycle wears on you a little bit and with Zain it was hard to visualize that light at the end of the tunnel since we essentially had no idea what we were doing and had never been parents before. I already talk to Trevor about how different those early days would be if we had another. 

My mom told me over and over again to soak up that early time with Zain because it would fly by and I’m not sure I listened enough. I stressed a lot and wished for him to get older and do the next thing. Looking back, I wish I had relaxed a bit more and I think with a second child you know going in that the exhaustion and sleepless nights are fleeting and that makes it easier for you to relish in the moment. 

It was nice to have my mom around so often in the beginning. Just to be around other people felt amazing! I was also really lucky to give birth during the summer months. Getting out of the house to go for a walk or grab food was easy and refreshing. Even stepping out on the patio was magical on some days. I’m lucky that I didn’t necessarily feel too isolated but I can’t imagine what it would be like in the winter here! 

Even now, motherhood can be a little lonely. Zain and I are in a steady routine but meeting up with mom friends can prove to be tricky. Every baby is a different age and on a different nap schedule and we all know days never go as planned so scheduling dates are more difficult than I thought they would be. I think when it warms up here, things may be a bit easier but I wish I saw my mom friends more! 

I’ve talked about how working from home can be a challenge and isolating in of itself before and when you add a baby in the mix it’s even harder to get out. A couple things have really helped me and I figured I would share them in case any of you are in the same boat! 


  • Joining the gym has been amazing—it get’s me out of the house, allows Zain time to play with other kids in a new environment and allows me to burn off some steam and even get some work done.


  • Scheduling play dates at least once a week! Any more than that has proven to become more of a stress than relief but I think it’s so nice to get out and grab lunch with a friend and let the kids do their own thing.


  • Take some time away on the weekends! In the beginning I wanted to soak up every minute of the weekends with Trevor and Zain. It was our time together as a family and although I still love that, I do try to sneak away for a little me time every weekend just to refresh and have some alone time. 


Were you all lonely after you had a baby and how do you deal with it now? 

Make sure to swing by Kelly, Blair, Emily and Arin’s blog to see how they handled it all! 



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  1. Briar says:

    This has been a year of serious changes: I went from Denver to a tiny mountain town of 8,000, from an office suite with lots of other people to a home office, and from pregnant to having a baby. Lonely is a serious factor! I go to a gym but they don’t have childcare, and the majority of the members are retirees, which is fun because they are all enthusiastic grandparent-types with lots of advice, but not so great socially. I’ve learned that with the mountain town life come the difficulties that it’s hard to meet young professionals, so you just have to be pushy when you do, and unlike city-life (if you demanded to be friends with someone, they would think you’re a weirdo/loser) they don’t actually think you’re crazy around here! There is an app called peanut to help find mom-friends, but a town this size doesn’t come with a lot of bandwidth. It’s a different life and a big change of pace, but so are babies in general. Sunshine every day has a new importance.

    • shaheen khan says:

      Totally agree, getting out and meeting other mom’s has been so crucial! It’s nice just to feel less alone in that crazy schedule. Your sweet babe is such a cutie and I hope you are enjoying it and getting some sleep Briar!

  2. I remember being so worried about how I would handle being home with a newborn during the winter months. It helped that my husband and I had planned to keep Wednesday nights for bible study and that was nice to get out of the house and be around other adults. I was mostly afraid of taking my baby out and having him get sick since cold and flu were so bad this year. We mostly ran errands or went for walks around the neighborhood when it was nice. Even on snowy days I would pull on my boots, bundle is both up and walk the baby in our ergo carrier- even if we only made it a few houses before turning around. Sometimes just getting out of the house helped me to feel less isolated. Love your tips! And Zain looks so teeny in that photo! Time really does go quickly!

    • shaheen khan says:

      Yes, getting out helps SO much and that is great you all kept some adult time going! The flu season has scared me so much this year and I am excited to put it behind us!

  3. Emily says:

    Love this, Shaheen! And can’t get over how little sweet Zain is in that photo. Miss you and LOVE doing this series with you. Isn’t That Charming.

  4. […] hand. I’m ecstatic that Blair, Arin (who JUST launched a new site and it looks amazing!) and Shaheen are also now a part of the series, not only because I admire all of these women as mothers, but […]

  5. My husband works weekends and it can get lonely! I try to plan one thing per day- it helps so much!