Good morning and happy December! I truly can’t believe Thanksgiving is over and we are into the last month of the year. I think a part of me still references Covid as if it just hit and I now realize March 2021 is just three months away marking a year since this pandemic began. It has been quite the rollercoaster but I am so thankful for our families health and I hope you are all staying safe too.
One of the questions I have received most often since having Zahra is how the transition from one to two kids has been. Honestly, I have sat down to write this post several times and just kept getting distracted and stashing it away. Part of that distraction is two kids, so there’s that 😉
Having a child whether it is your first, second or fifth is a huge decision. It’s life altering and even for a couple who struggled with infertility and desperately wanted a child, it was a huge adjustment. I wrote a post discussing the 100 days of darkness after I had Zain and I still cry to this day reading it. So much of your life will change and although it’s the best thing that has ever happened to me, it’s hard.
I will say I found the transition from 0 to 1 kids much more difficult than 1 to 2. I’m sure there are several reasons for that but the first time around it is all a bit of a shock. No matter how seasoned you are with kids, it’s a lot to adjust to. My brother and SIL had young twins at the time who we spent a lot of time and I really thought I knew what to expect. I just don’t think there is any way to be prepared for the sleep deprivation that parenthood brings. Stack that on top of giving birth, learning to breastfeed for the first time and caring for a human.
It definitely got easier as time went on but we honestly didn’t even consider expanding our family till Zain was 2. I couldn’t imagine having a baby with him still in diapers or unable to do simple tasks like get dressed without me.
Even after we decided to try IVF again and I got pregnant, I wondered how the dynamic would change. It’s hard to imagine how another little human will fit into the rhythm when it’s just been you 3 for what feels like your whole life. I worried about my relationship with Trevor, my relationship with Zain and his relationship with his new sibling.
Thankfully, it’s all been pretty smooth. We talked a lot about ‘baby chocolate milk’ (what Zain named her) when she was in my belly and Zain has been in love with her the whole way. I’m sure it’s part his personality and part his age but he is so incredibly loving and kind to her. He runs for her first thing in the morning, dotes on her and helps me out so much.
Lucky for us, Zahra was just what we needed. 2020 has been a wild ride and it’s like she knew we needed her to go easy on us. She has been a gentle soul since the day she arrived and when you aren’t sleep deprived it’s amazing how different those first few months can be.
I think we also knew what to expect so we didn’t feel the exhaustion as much. Zahra being able to soothe herself to sleep and sleep for long stretches has been a true gift to us and it’s funny now to think I ever did life without both of them.
One thing I will note, when I had Zain I had zero help lined up. I realized when I was in the thick of it that it was a huge mistake. Getting a break, time to yourself and just some time alone to get work done was something I knew I needed to make a priority this time around. Before Covid-19, I had planned to have Zain in school and a nanny with Zahra once I went back to work.
Obviously, nothing has fallen according to plan but in normal times I really recommend having some type of help around whether it is family, a friend that stops by or daycare because that time really is so crucial for a mother’s mental health.
I think we have also relaxed as parents which has made the transition easier and a schedule more manageable. I shared our current routine in Zahra’s 4 month update and it’s changed very little since.
If you are contemplating expanding your family, know the tough stuff will pass much quicker and you will likely not stress about things you did the first time around. It will be chaos but embrace it. I look at baby pictures of Zain now and can’t believe how it’s flown by so quickly.
If I missed anything you all are curious about, just let me know! What was your experience like?