when maya emailed me a few weeks ago about launching the Real Blogger Beauty campaign I couldn’t have been more on board. I know everyone (especially me) struggles with perfection in some way or another and that our beautiful instagram lives are really just pretty pieces of our messy puzzle. i often struggle with how much to share on the blog and hope this doesn’t make anyone fall asleep but i think it’s important we all realize there’s more to us than a social media account and as long as you know that it’s okay to have fun with that stuff.

there are an array of things i could share here but when the emailed landed in my inbox it only took me seconds to know what i would talk about and how i learned from it. it’s hard for me to share only because i struggle with how to convey what i went through and not garner any pity in return. oh well, here we go…

i’ve always had issues with my health since i was a little girl. from ulcerative colitis to allergies you name it and i probably have it. i never paid attention to those things and would often ignore symptoms to try to mentally convince myself it wasn’t happening. i always thought that made a strong mind and it might be what could have cost me everything.

while i was in my last year of dental school and studying for my final national boards exam i started to feel a cold coming on. i didn’t have a ton of time to study, was working on my residency applications, & had just started dating a cute guy named trevor who was occupying so much of my mind. i refused to let up and was hoping to train for a mini so i continued to try to run hoping that would help me heal and would lay on the couch with my study cards on the ground to keep going.

at the time i lived in louisville, kentucky where my parents are and thanksgiving break had just arrived. i felt so sick i didn’t want to make the drive home (15 minutes from my condo to parent’s house) so my mom picked me up with chicken noodle soup in hand (she’s the best). i slept in the basement because i didn’t want to walk up to my room and just watched movies for the next day or so. my brother had recently moved from san fran to chicago and was excited to drive home to surprise my parents for the holiday. he arrived the day after thanksgiving and it’s so true that everything happens for a reason.

after omar had been home for a few hours i realized i couldn’t make it up the basement stairs without sitting down to rest. i told my family i thought i needed to finally see a doctor and they told me any office would be closed because of the holiday and if i really felt that bad they would take me to the ER.

I DID.

my mom and brother took me down in mismatched pajamas and my dad said he would see me later (assuming i would be right back) well, that’s not what happened. i was brought in to check vitals and the tech kept readjusting the machine (i think he thought it was broken) because my oxygen saturation was so low. after some quick oxygen & chest xrays i sat and waited for good news like “oh, let’s give you some fluids and you’ll head home” well, that wasn’t the case and i will never forget this next moment: i sat on my bed and watched the group of doctors standing around the screen, my brother omar included. at one time they all widened their eyes and looked closer at my x-ray. all but omar, he knew i was watching. the next moments are blurry and the next days are lost from my memory.

i was placed on a ventilator in the ICU and diagnosed with the swine flu & pneumonia. my family struggled while watching my prognosis go up and down as i laid unconscious. omar stayed up 24 hours a day everyday by my side charting my vitals, calling colleagues, and pushing the team to handle my care in the most successful way possible. he wanted to control the situation and make everything better. my parents were probably comforted by my brother’s understanding but i can’t imagine how they felt watching their child like that.

after 7 days my brother convinced the team i could breathe on my own. they weened me off the vent, brought me back, and i did it. i struggled still with complications like blood clots and infections and slowly but surely walked again. my brother was there by my side every single step. he stayed by me when i didn’t want to walk on the treadmill, he gave me blood thinners when no one else wanted to stick me with another needle, & he never gave up on me. NO ONE IN MY FAMILY DID. lesley slept on the floor of my room, fed me, washed my hair, and did unmentionable things (really!) for me. trevor and i had barely been together at this point and he would come to the hospital and lay in bed with me while i had a huge hospital diaper on, a fluid sac on my back from being immobile for so long, and had not waxed or threaded myself in months (which if you know indian girls is a whole new sight haha) after weeks of poking and probing i was finally discharged with a portable oxygen tank and 1,000 follow up doctor’s appointments. i fought in the next weeks to get my life back, something i had taken so much for granted.

the experience would forever change me. FOR THE BETTER. although i already knew i had the most amazing family it was only strengthened. we all realized that life is too short and came together to love and support each other.

i realized that life was flying by and i needed to be who i wanted to be. no more trying to make other people happy, i was going to live for me. when i started doing that everything changed. i was proud of who i was and where i came from and realized trivial things like appearance, handbags, and clothes didn’t mean anything if i didn’t have a full life. so, even though i love a good chanel bag things are not what matters to me. my family is.

we all see snippets of our lives on a blog or social media account and that’s definitely not all that’s there. i struggled with the decision to start a blog and this experience helped me realize that i wasn’t going to be afraid of failure, life is too short to have regrets. i do this for me and i love it. i’m lucky enough that some of you like it too (thanks for reading!) and i’ve met so many amazing friends along the way. i know that this is a fun place to express myself and cherish my family that support me in it. so, never be afraid to do something you love because if that’s what it’s all about you’ll never be disappointed.

i can’t wait to read everyone’s stories and make sure to head to maya’s blog to find them all!

happy monday & enjoy this life!

xox,

shaheen